Our beautiful (inside and out) niece, Erin, is getting married this weekend, and there are so many things I want to tell her! So here goes:
1.) You're marrying a man. Therefore - and hold onto your hair here! - your husband thinks, speaks, and acts like a man.
2.) For your information, men do not ask for directions or any manner of assistance. Period.
3.) Men are not mind-readers. For example, it usually will not occur to a man that you want him to take out the trash simply because it's overflowing. You have to actually say, "Honey, would you please take out the trash?" (You cannot be mad at a man for not doing something you never asked him to do...because men aren't mind-readers.)
4.) Certain words have different meanings to men. For example, to a man, the word "clean" means "relatively presentable when compared to the homes of most of his bachelor friends", while to you, "clean" likely means "completely germ-free, sanitized, organized, and styled perfection". The word "party" also means something different to a man. You think table settings, place cards, entrees, and complimentary wines, while he thinks chips, dips, beer, and the largest television known to mankind.
5.) Whereas a woman has a large portion of her brain devoted to nurturing, a man has a large portion devoted to protecting. You may want to keep this in mind should your husband fail to make you chicken noodle soup when you're sick: While it may look like he's doing nothing, he's actually busy plotting all the ways in which he would kill the sorry fool who ever tried to hurt you.
6.) Men don't actively try to understand problems; they're too busy trying to solve them. If you want understanding, talk to your girlfriends; if you want solutions, talk to your husband.
7.) But know that he will never be able to solve or understand why it takes you twice as long to get ready to go somewhere. Given enough time though, he might accept it - or at least give up on complaining about it.
8.) The wide-eyed, tender-hearted, dreamer of a boy still lives inside the man. And he needs to play. With his toys. They started as matchbox cars and then became real cars, boats, horses, golf equipment, and other extremely expensive "toys". Both the boy and the man will be immeasurably happier if you let them have, and play with, their toys.
9.) Take turns choosing movies instead of trying to agree on one. The boy will always want to see millions of dollars worth of explosives and special effects - and doesn't really care about dialogue - or plot. When it's his turn to choose the movie, sit quietly, eat your popcorn, and let the boy - and his imagination - run free.
10.) Neither boys nor men play in the briar patch - and you shouldn't either. When a man wants the new Taylormade R11 golf driver for Christmas, he doesn't say, "Whatever you do, please don't buy me that Taylormade R11 driver." So, if you say something like, "Please don't buy me jewelry," when you really want jewelry...well, you aren't going to get any - for thirty years or so. It takes roughly thirty years for a man to figure out the briar patch game - just ask my uncle Bob.
11.) Understanding and accepting the above mentioned things should prevent several spats. Yet there are still bound to be some. When you're really good and angry, I suggest you excuse yourself to the bathroom. Close - and lock - the door behind you. Try some deep breathing exercises. If that doesn't work, then clean the toilet. With his toothbrush.
On a more serious note, the best advice I can offer either of you, in any situation, is this: Think, speak, and act generously, in love, keeping in mind that the opposite of love isn't hate; it's selfishness.
"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility, value others above yourself, not looking to your own interests, but each of you to the interests of others."
Philippians 2:2-4
And know that when all else fails, I am here, loving you both, and wishing you life, love, and happiness beyond your wildest dreams. Call or come on over anytime.
With high hopes, great joy, and overflowing love, I am, as ever,
Your aunt Cat
One part dishing, one part venting, and two parts celebration of writing and life.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Something to Look Forward to
So many people are understandably sad this time of year. Tradition and change collide during the holidays, when traditions are similar enough to remind us of previous years, yet change makes us miss days gone by, people we love and miss.
Since last Christmas was my husband’s first Christmas without both of his parents, I knew it had the potential to be the saddest Christmas of his life. Not wanting that to be the case, I began looking back over all my Christmases, for the things that brought me the most joy and excitement.
Surprisingly, even as a small child, my greatest joy and excitement did not come from things at all; it came from the anticipation, from counting down the days of December, until I was surrounded by family, feeling loved and well fed and fussed over, and – finally! – getting to open presents. But I don’t remember the presents themselves, only the joyful anticipation of them.
As an adult, most of my joy and excitement still come from the anticipation of Christmas. So, last year, I decided to give my husband something to anticipate, something to look forward to every day, during the twelve days of Christmas. Every day, there was a little surprise gift for him. Most of his gifts didn’t cost much, if anything – his favorite cinnamon rolls for breakfast, a Christmas CD to listen to in the car, fragrant clippings of a pine tree to make his office smell Christmas-y, a funny poem, a massage after work – all small things that required nothing more than a little time, a little thought, a little love. And do you know what? It worked! We both had plenty of Christmas joy, because we both had something to look forward to, every day.
And we still do. Short-term, I’m doing the twelve days of Christmas for my husband again this year, and I can hardly wait! Long-term, the real gift, the birth of our Savior, gives us even more to look forward to, including the chance to see all those whom we love and miss again, in heaven. This is a gift my heart would celebrate even if I was the last, lone person on earth. It is a gift that belongs to us all, gives us all so much to celebrate and look forward to, regardless of our earthly circumstances. So, it is with great joy and anticipation that I say to you: Merry Christmas, y’all!
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